Begin­ning to realize that I dislike repeat signs, nota­tion­ally and concep­tu­ally. They are tiny worm­holes in music during which I seem to give up on anything inter­pre­tive; I don’t know what to do with them. 

I some­times feel a creeping dissat­is­fac­tion with my perfor­mances of the first section of Kreis­le­ri­ana (and yes, I realize my obses­sion with Kreis­le­ri­ana)—even when the phrases were phrased, the notes hit accu­rately, and the pedaling clean, the overall form had an inap­pro­pri­ately sing-song quality, the over-neatness of rhymed couplets. The relent­less modu­la­tions and impul­sive rhythms felt pinned down. 

The problem, I think, is with the little air-spaces between repeats—between achieve­ment of the high D and return to the initial A—during which the whole thing slackens and comes tumbling down; the visual disrup­tion of moving one’s eyes back­wards over a chunk of music becomes a few millisec­onds of help­less­ness. My theory is that this all could have been avoided by writing out the repeats, so the music was simply contin­u­ous, which of course is how it should sound.

Accord­ing to a global search of my iMessage database:

• you don’t have a laptop.
• you don’t have to justify your evils to me.
• you don’t have a printer?
• you don’t have to punish yourself :)
• you don’t have that problem
• you don’t have a performance?
• you don’t have this problem, do you?
• you don’t have my extra rugs, do you?
• you don’t have to fuck to be a fucker.
• you don’t have a score, do you?
• you don’t have to worry about how you stuff it in your pocket.
• you don’t have to drank.
• you don’t have to give me a comp.
• you don’t have 5 seconds to respond saying “sorry i’m busy”
• you don’t have an iPad
• you don’t have any interest in selling a tux, do you?
• you don’t have almonds?
• you don’t have an iPhone 5?
• you don’t have to say why.
• you don’t have a Japanese girlfriend
• you don’t have to come all the way here :)
• you don’t have to make your own quesadilla
• you don’t have to tell me
• you don’t have HIV
• you don’t have to kill them to get the feathers!
• you don’t have to thank John Adams.
• you don’t have to go to school tomorrow!
• you don’t have iOS 7 on your iPhone?
• you don’t have a toilet-side table?
• you don’t have your songs played on the radio
• you don’t have to wait an extra month
• you don’t have to get on a plane
• you don’t have a thermometer.
• you don’t have a big ego?
• you don’t have any money?
• you don’t have to write them out, but they’re confus­ing how you’ve got them