I was recently alerted, via a reader, to the most hilar­i­ously over-the-top bad review I’ve ever received. For poster­i­ty’s sake, here’s the excerpt in full: 

…the evening’s major offense [was] Timothy Andres’s “Crashing Through Fences” for piccolo, glock­en­spiel, and drums, a brain-damaging assault on listen­ers’ delicate hearing and sound-center process­ing apparati. This terror­is­tic thought exper­i­ment in cogni­tive disso­nance and shock would’ve been best left as such. As it was, its perfor­mance did more than simply produce headaches; it made more than one listener disori­ented and distressed. Andres’s tech­nique was simple: Juxta­pose soft and subtle high-kHz sounds with unpre­dictably occur­ring percus­sions most remi­nis­cent of random gunshots. In an era in which terror is no figment, one hopes that malev­o­lent govern­ments don’t get hold of Andres’s score, and that he doesn’t receive a contract from the C.I.A. to develop the musical equiv­a­lent of water­board­ing torture devices.

If you’re reading this, and you’re from the CIA, call me and we’ll work out a licens­ing deal? You already have my number.